I know that I am getting a little old to still be talking about summer camp, but I don't care. I worked there last year and I technically worked again this year. I was a dorm leader and apart of the worship team. I really enjoyed it. It was alot of work to do both but I still enjoyed myself. I wasn't really expecting God to do much in my life during camp, but He had other plans. I feel the need to explain all that had happened in only 4 days. So I am going to. *^.^*
If you don't know, I have a disease called otosclerosis. If you want to know exactly what it is I say google it haha. It pretty much means that I sounds and feels like I am constantly assending up a mountain. It doesn't hurt it's just super annoying. I have hearing tests administered every six months to moniter the effects. My last hearing test was done June 1st. My doctor told me I was decimal points away from qualifying for surgery to correct the condition. He began telling me all the risks of the surgery and what to expect during recovery and how long it was going to take, then he asked if I have ever had virtigo or get dizzy often. I told him I had. About a month or so ago, I had virtigo that lasted a day and a half, and I also get dizzy at night some days just randomly. After I told this information, he told me I was the rare exception to surgery. About 1% of people with this sclerosis, cannot have the surgery and I am that lucky 1%. He told me that if I were to have the surgery, then I would loose my sense of taste (which I thought was rather interesting) and completely loose my hearing. Being dizzy often means that I have a chemical imbalance and if he atempted surgery, then it would fry my ear drums. And just when I thought he was finished telling me horrible news, he continues to say that if my disease keeps progressing at the rate it is, then I will loose my hearing near my 30s. Great...... That's just what a beginning audio engineer needs to hear. "You will be deaf before you can take off in your career.
Needless to say, I was devistated. It took all I had in me to withhold my emotions from wanting to take over. My doctor understood I felt really upset. Normally, people are diagnosed with sclerosis when they are in their late 40s or 50s and I was diagnosed at 19. Now I am 21 being told that my hearing is going to disappear before I'm middle aged? That's not fair. My doctor told me that he wants to have at CT scan of my ears before he makes a definate diagnosis for my dizzyness. I have one schedualed on June 24th. I half hope that they find something and half hope that nothing is there because I hate hospitals.
On the way up to camp that Monday morning, I was praying in the car for healing to happen. But the only way I was going to believe that God would ever heal me was if the speaker randomly decided to speak specificaly about genetic diseases and deafness, or saying that someone was healed from being deaf. That would be the only way. You could say that I have little faith but, it's really hard to believe physical healing to suddenly happen without medical attention. It's just weird and hard to explain. But those were my thoughts.
On top of being upset about my hearing disappearing, I was feeling under appreciated for being apart of the worship team. I have actually been feeling that way for a few weeks, and being at camp for some reason made that feeling stronger. So I just let all my focus be on getting rid of the under appreciation feeling rather than the healing. But as you know, God has other plans.
On Wednesday, my ears were really bothering me and it was hard to hear anything on stage through my earbuds without popping my ears every 5 10 seconds. It was really terrible. I decided to tell the girls in my dorm about it so that if they thought about it they could pray for me. Instead they decided to all pray over me right then. It was really nice of them. I also told the band about it and they all prayed over me as well. And what is totally awesome, I had no hearing issues all throughout the worship that night.
The next day was extreamly busy and I was feelling terrible about being apart of the band. I just didn't feel like they cared about me at all. Dave was playing the piano half the time and Christine was the lead female singer and Dave often told me not to sing or play something super simple on the piano because he didn't want alot of piano, but he wanted 2 acustic guitars, and extra drums, and bass. Just not piano.
That Thursday evening, Dave suggested that we each pray for the person to their left. We all thought that was a great idea, so Dave prayed for Jared P. and Jared prayed for me, and I was to pray for Travis. When Jared prayed over me, he was saying how much he appreciated my talents for singing and playing the piano. He even said that the band could not have asked for a better keyboardist and girl singer for the Eikon Worship Band. The Holy Spirit must have convicted me right then, because I broke down and could not stop crying. I had a hard time praying for Travis (I felt really bad). It was a really great experience.
The message that night was about learning how to find God's calling for your life. I knew my calling, I KNOW my calling. God called me to be an audio engineer and be on the worship team. And even now, I feel like he is calling me to continue that calling as an audio engineer. And it's really frustrating that I have this disease and He would call me for something that requires my ears to be at their best. I wasn't angry with God, just really confused.
During the alter call, all the students were seeking after God for their calling. About two hours into it, the speaker comes on stage and says that he felt that he needed to talk about healing, spesifically genetic diseases that could not be treated by any medication or surgery. When I heard that, my hands began to shake, and my heart started pounding. I wanted to believe he was speaking to me but I was trying not become anxious. The next thing he spoke about was about a girl in Alabama who was completely healed from being deaf. Once I heard that, I was totally effected. I fell down an was not just crying, I was wailing. I didn't know what to do. I was on stage, weeping from what I just heard and only a small handful of people would have been able to understand why I was so effected by what the speaker had said.
Reahnna came up first to the stage to pray over me, then 2 other girls plus Amanda came up and began praying for me also. It was a wonderful Holy Spirit experience. For me to take the time to explain everything that happened while lying under the keyboard between the Aviom and the Keyboard stand, it would take more than just this blog to write it all. I will say that it restored my faith in God. He did not heal me that night, but it gave me the confidence to know that God will heal me on His perfect timing. There would be no other reason why I would be an audio engineer without a healing of my ears. If I just keep believing and asking, He will heal me. I just have to believe.